Oh god
how I wonder
As I gaze across a crowded room
And search for you within each face
I wonder
Where you hide inside each one
Yearning to be free
Sometimes you are there, like a secret in the dark
Waiting, waiting through the cold
Dormant and apparently unchanged
Yet at other times you are so very pregnant
I can almost feel the water’s spray
Bursting from your womb
Upon my face
Yet constantly I search for You
And I wonder
Why
why do you break yourself this way
and pour yourself into so many pieces
for My Love,
it is not your peace I often see
but rather pain spread out across humanity
and I wonder
was it too much to bear alone
that which you had held inside so long, oh Love,
is that why you do it
or does the very separation of yourself create it?
and I am back to wonder
is it you inside the heart of one so filled with fear
seeking to protect with weapons, large and small
and is it the same you who comes to cradle
or is this suffering merely an illusion
are you truly in all things and all things indeed are good
the light this darkness cannot understand
are you war and peace?
Love and pain?
Beauty, ugliness, shame?
Or are these judgments merely my perspective
On this planet of polarity
When I am called to simply Love.
Yet I am back to wonder
Why you break yourself
Is it to ease the pressure of your pain?
Or is it to become?
To give yourself in sacrifice
Like these creatures of your dreams
The One who nurtures many in her breaking
The One who consumes her flesh
The Ones who are borne from it
Oh god, this is too much for me to bear
For if you are all in all then it is you
Both being fed and feeding
And it is me somehow
Broken from you body
To return to you as blessing
Oh Love, this is too much for me to grasp
This necessary pain that becomes nurture
Too much
Unbearable
Beauty in the suffering
That as I sit here gazing at your presence
Broken on my plate
Offering and requesting me at once
My breaking heart is broken open at the gift
And filled to overflowing with the possibility
That you share my sorrow and my need
And somehow in this moment
You and I become
Each other’s hope.
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