sorrow’s mirror

oh god, some days when i gaze into my mirror i see your beauty gazing back
at me. other days i catch a glimpse of something else. something as profound

in its depths as is your beauty. yet in these moments i suspect i also
witness something of your beauty in your sorrow, in your weariness. it is
this sadness that begs me attend to you today, to not run from it and so
from you, to not deny this aspect of yourself as worthy.

oh god, can your sorrow be this deep? i want to rush into your arms, dump
this heap of sadness on your lap, give it to Your heart to hold. but then i
notice your face in my pain, and suddenly i realize that what i think is
mine is yours.

oh god, come to me. that i may hold you for awhile. yes, my opened heart is
big enough for You…. so this is how it feels to Love, to see what you see,

to feel what you feel, and to hold it all. to hold out hope, to mourn the
loss, to whisper ‘i am here’ and be unheard. oh god, let me hear you now.

oh god, there is so much pain! how tender is the sorrow of the disconnect.
how full of beauty is this emptiness. oh god, how you love!

oh god, i am here. come to me. let me hold your heartache. let me draw your
head down to my breast, that you may hear the beating of my heart as it
breaks open here for you. feel my gentle kiss upon your brow, my tears
anointing it with blessing, mixing with your own, fluids flowing, joining
once again in this holy union.

oh god there is no separation. we are truly one.

thoughts on being

1.knowing
i didn’t know
i still don’t know
i simply walk(ed) the path one step at a time
choosing only to turn right or left
knowing only that neither path was right or wrong
knowing only that god would go with me
and would be there waiting for me
clinging to me
no matter which way i turned
for god is indeed within
the light and dark
the right and wrong
the knowing and unknowing

2.freedom
in the darkest fear of your imaginings
can you imagine god not being there?
within the deepest heartache you believe
that you can conjure up
can you imagine god not somewhere deeper?
by this i mean not merely holding and embracing
supporting and sustaining
but breathing blessing into each moment.
can it be that what we deem as missed
misfortune or mistake
are in truth rich with grace?
after all, do not all our constructs and conceptions
prove to be convention?
and our greatest failures open us
to deeper understandings of what Love truly is
as we are challenged to receive it for ourselves.
i believe there has not been one moment of my life
into which my own soul has not led me
there is no one to blame
there are only those who have agreed to dance with me
each lover bearing the face of god
each union birthing a child of god
each child breathed upon by god
Love can n’er be constricted
it will always find a way to flow
whether in the juicy act of joining
or in the rupture of the waters
the tearing separation that is birth
and there is no brokenness
there is only breaking open to the beauty of what is
everything lives in you
and god is somehow deep within it all
let go
and fall into the Love

3. time
time
it seems we either rush into its illusion of loss
fearing that we have not enough
or we run from its Reality
forgetting that each moment is immersed with Eternity
right here
within this moment
as within the last
and most surely within the next
we can breathe in the fullness of what is
we need not do anything at all
but simply be with and in that fullness
forgetting not that the fullness of what is
includes all that we are
here and now

time
sometimes we forget that it is a blessing of our human existence
we lament and deny its gifts
tossing them onto the pile of not-god
we think it moves too fast
when perhaps it is the gift of slowing down eternity
so that we may savor its gifts
one by one
much like the tree outside my window likewise blesses me.

cannot we embrace time then
as we embrace the earth itself
can each tick of the clock
like each piece of creation
be a book of god
each one capturing
and expressing
the fullness of god’s essence.

and so can we trust that we can always find god
within time
as we do each morning
when we throw open the window
to breath in the rising of the sun
to feel the song of birds
to taste the beauty of god’s soul

ah. do not run from it, my friend.
 

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