pure grief

so this is pure grief. this feeling so different than guilt or remorse. there is no suffering in this. no self-recrimination, no self-flagellation, no hatred, no anger. just grief.

ah, but it is not entirely true that this grief is pure, as if it is an elemental thing, neither containing nor combined with another. this grief is born from love. this grief is married to hope. this grief will give birth to joy.

this is an emptiness filled with potential, a void so completely bereft that i’m awed at the presence of silence, of stillness. as if i can touch the Untouchable here, as if the invisible sparks of Our touching crackle imperceptably, igniting the unknown.

i sit in it. weep in it. wondering how spirit devoid feels like Spirit infused in one breath. this emptying out like a vacuum does draw You in.

so this is pure love. this letting go gently. because to hold fast is to stifle, to smother, to kill. both of us. so this is love. this longing for her that is so much greater than my longing for her. this opening out fearlessly, painfully, hopefully, at once.

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