Day 18-Light

Day 18 – Light
Isaiah 9:1-7

Last night I dreamt that I could see far across the nighttime landscape to a city on the distant horizon. The expanse between it and me was great but the terrain was completely flat, leveled as in the passages of scripture from these last weeks. The city was sparkling with lights. Though perhaps a mundane sight to the casual observer, the feeling in the dream was one of breathtaking beauty.

Today’s scripture speaks of light. ‘Those who walk in darkness will see a great light. For those who live in a land of deep shadows— light! sunbursts of light!’ I imagine this ‘seeing of the light’ also has something to do with perspective…such as the one in my dream. A ‘beyond the human limits’ perspective.

With our vision cleared, we can see beyond our small anxieties to the larger view, the broader perspective. Might the lens we are invited to peer through be the loving gaze of God, which beholds with joy the sparkling lights amidst the darkness. Might the enlarged heart through which we are invited to  perceive be eyes of compassion.

I am able to see from this enlarged heart of mine in God from time to time, more often now than once. The feeling in that place is indeed profoundly peaceful. Of course, there are still plenty of times when I get caught up in the darkness of my own self – my wounds or fears – and am unable in the moment to see the whole, to gaze with compassion.

O Love, the whisper of Holy Blessing to me through the mouth of the Old One, Isaiah, is this — that You will continue to enlarge my heart, to free it to rejoice in this place.

You promise a harvest of the bountiful goodness of my life’s experience here, that I may glean the precious grain from the chaff of my life’s journey upon which it grew, that it may be nurture through which Love can grow. Gazing upon my life this way requires the same lens, the same loving gaze as the one that sees sparkling lights in the darkness. Through this perspective, through eyes passionate about life , the pain of my brokenness is transformed into an opening in which blessing can grow.

O Love, sometimes I can’t understand how You will possibly remove the oppressive yokes with which I have become burdened. So entangled in my heart they seem to be that it seems as if my heart itself would be destroyed if it were to be detached from them. I can see this entanglement, for instance, when I am so drawn into the chaos of another that I seek to do something to control (fix, order, force, make right) the situation in order to ease the anxiety that MY heart is experiencing.  Or I am drawn into my own wounded chaos in the presence of the other. But I also recognize that when I ‘move over there’ and shift from Love into either place, control (control of the situation OR control of myself) OR  chaos, disconnection from God occurs.  O Love, the yoke that I long for is You.

 Like the candle that I tried to force into a shape it wasn’t ready to assume and so broke in my hand, spattering wax onto the wall, the ceiling, and my self, Love cannot force. It can hold. It can let something burn in its own time until it becomes a transformed and transformative liquid that will flow on its own.

Again, the message that I hear is control (getting it right to ease my fears) versus letting Love flow where it will, through widening channels….leveled terrain….created only by centering myself again and again in Love.  Again I hear the Wisdom, ‘When the power to Love overcomes the Love of power, there will be peace on earth’. And so I am called to return to the Loving Gaze, the Compassionate Gaze, the perspective through which I see so many sparkling lights in the fires I seek to put out.

Love assures me that these little fires cannot begin to diminish the Light of Love that is blazing (within me), rising (in me), desiring to reign (in me), to be the source and the center of my being. O Love, how to burn so brightly for You?… What will be the fuel other than my life?… Yes, this is the sacrifice I am asked to make, to burn my very life up in Loving, to use the stuff of my life as fuel for Love. The surrender of self is not to fear but to Love.

Love is being kindled in us, to become a mighty shining Presence, so that no one (and no one part of any of us) will any longer be diminished by our fears. This new ‘governor’ in us will oversee all with compassion and justice so that the warring voices, within and without (such as the ones between my ‘shoulding’ anxiety and my Loving Truth) are no more divided; they can all be received by Love. When we choose to align our hearts with this Wise Compassionate Presence, then this Eternal One in us, who remembers us to who we are, rises to make itself known. We become One brilliant light.  We become the profound Peace that I experienced gazing at those sparkling lights through eyes of Love.

We can see through such eyes if we desire it, if we merely turn toward it. We can be fully alive here in this Holy Place, within the Heart of God. We can Be a Loving Presence in the world

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