bobbing along

“Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don’t claim them. Feel the artistry moving through, and be silent”- rumi
this quote came to me today, from rumi, through ‘s ‘word for the day’, and  i immediately felt the deep yes in it,
the deep breath in it,
the settling in of it,
the letting go in it.  
almost immediately i recognized that i have been grasping in this trying to ‘claim’ even Who I Am. perhaps the work for me is not in finding the ‘work’ at all, but simply living more fully and comfortably in the mystery that i love, but have forgotten to love.  
if i can learn to trust my no’s, (both within and without) then i might see that the resistances and blockades i experience in regards to taking a step in some definitive direction may be in truth be a wisdom of some sort, the wisdom i have been seeking, a wisdom that holds me steadfast, though i have only felt/imagined it here on the surface as drifting. the indecision and the no’s may be a listening of sorts that i haven’t been naming as listening because some other part of me has been desparately pulling against it, distracted by the surface tension, tugging my attention in so many directions.
something is holding me back, and if i stay out of judgment of that holding back, stop calling it names, like fear or cowardice or fickleness or ineptness or weakness or (fill in the blank), if i flip it over and call it wisdom, anchor, groundedness, center, wholeness, then perhaps i can honor this no-thingness. my striving-for can let go its grip on me and i can return to the center, to the depths even, of which i have felt so devoid of late.  i’m never really sure whether its ego or ‘calling’ anyway that is pulling me so to choosing a specific  ‘doing’ , but  i suppose if it were a deep calling, i’d feel its definitive pull in one direction, though here i am bobbling along the surface, in ‘limbo’ on that front. 
oh perhaps there is something liminal in this after all.  i’ve just been looking in the wrong place, up here in limbo, surveying the surface.
when i closed my eyes the other day in session, in response to a question asked of me (which i cannot recall) i saw a circle, like a wheel with so many spokes or a kaleidoscope image (or a mandala) and i felt myself in the center of that circle with so much revolving around me. but i also saw that i am none of the things on the surface, though i could flow through any one of them, i am the undivided hub. perhaps i just don’t feel like leaving the center and  what i call bobbing along the surface/non-committal is really attached to a deep thread that i haven’t before this moment named as such.
the one role i can see in my life as consistent is observer of beauty, feeler of the artistry of life. if that is being a generalist, which i imagine it is because after all beauty is everywhere, then i can embrace that. 
so for now, i’ll keep bobbing along, observing the wonders, and feeling the artistry move.



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Diana
    Dec 06, 2010 @ 10:28:08

    thank you. your reflection includes some very helpful images for me to consider. it’s a gift to be able to “flip it over.”



  2. Trackback: shadowlands and dark water « Emmaatlast’s Weblog
  3. Trackback: Beloved « Emmaatlast’s Weblog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: