emptiness

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The structure and discipline of this practice, which invites me each day to open to a word, not of my choosing but given to me, has been so fruitful, that even when I open the page each morning to discover the day’s offering and find myself sighing in disappointment (well, that’s not at all what I’d hoped for!) there comes tagging along close behind that sense of resignation, acceptance, then openness, then something akin to curiosity… wonder…excitement… hope! It’s almost like having a secret love or a pregnancy. It’s almost like looking for Godde.

I suppose if we could learn to greet each unwanted experience like a word given for the day and be alert for the possibilities each invitation holds, our day to day existence might feel similarly full of curiosity, wonder, and hope.

Today’s word is Emptiness. My first thought was, didn’t we already have that one? (it was actually Empty, on day 1 for me here) followed closely by, ‘Oh, but yesterday’s word was so full ! I don’t want to go back to being Empty’

How true is that?

But, of course, it is not true that I always want to be full. There is a fullness that is too much… busyness, for one. Clutter, another. Then there are distractions. How about too many choices? Food, after a too-large meal…or the laundry basket, for that matter!

Conversely, I can relish being empty. Empty of anxiety. Empty of fear. Empty of grief. Empty of heartache and confusion. Though, truthfully,  I would not want to be completely free of those things either, for to hold them in my heart is to make me real, to remind me that I am a Being that Loves , above all other identities that I sometimes get dragged into believing I am. Hopefully, to hold them for a time is also to teach me Kindness and Empathy.

So, at last it was this figure that my eyes fell upon. I brought her into my home many years ago because her posture of repose feels like peace to me. But when she caught my eye this evening, I noticed the empty space enveloped in her embrace. Space to breathe perhaps. An empty space for me to crawl into.

I picture prayer to be like that…. a place of repose where we can let go of the clutter of judgments,  let silence envelope spaciousness. An emptying out of anxiety, busyness, distraction, in order that we might be embraced… or perhaps more correctly, in order that we might notice that we are already/always being embraced. Let that embrace heal us and bring us back to being human again.

And even when the emptiness in me is of the other despairing variety, the one that feels as if there truly is nothing at all worth holding, I am grateful that this One can make space for that too.

I like the way Love encircles all of me like that. Hmmm, this IS almost like looking for Godde.

 

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