Finding the ground

Anybody else feeling a sense of disorientation in these days? A trip to the store or a child’s birthday party leave you feeling a bit dislocated? I wonder if this is what is meant by the walking wounded?

Doing my own work, I realize some of this is my personal story with  old responses of dissociation coming up (PTSD?). But I also realize that I am not alone in these feelings of loss and alienation, so perhaps some of it also comes naturally from the aftermath of a suddenly shattered world.

It helped to do some grounding with the women who came out tonight, helped to be in safety with others without fear. No one to tell us we were wrong, or dramatic, or un-American, to shame us and blame us, etc

We chose stones as a symbol of that grounding, but also as a symbol of what lay heaving within us. What was rocking our world.

Tonight, in the great circle of emotions that is the processing of grief, I was weary and sad. Others had more passion tonight. I was grateful for their fire for warmth…. warmth enough to provide nourishment.

I listened to a woman speak this evening of anger…. Anger being the indicator that a boundary has been crossed and that something needs protection. I wonder sometimes if that is why I don’t do anger so well. Its not only that I’m taught as a woman to suppress it, but perhaps I still don’t have a strong enough sense of boundaries. Another thing for me to work on. Perhaps this election will send me back into therapy!

I don’t want to operate from a wounded place, a victim place….and at the same time I don’t want to dismiss the real need to grieve. And it makes me angry (at myself?) that this experience seems to have (temporarily) returned me to a feeling of powerlessness. (so there, perhaps I do have anger after all!) It seems we are also being told to swallow our anger on the public stage…. the old be a ‘good girl’ now. Be a good loser. Be a good American. etc..

So, if I am allowed to own my anger (not too quickly assuage it with inappropriate compassion? ) what is it telling me? What feels violated, in need of protection.

We struggled just a bit with direction this evening in the What Next of our What NOW? and perhaps that was because we were running too quickly away from what is now, within each of us still. Taking a bit more time to listen to what the anger, pain, fear, sadness is telling us will show us the way. This is the way of healing.
What do we love? Why do we care? Who do we want to protect or empower with this energy, letting it flow from such a grounded place of naming and knowing. The issues and injustices tapped in this election are legion, so many things that are precious to us have been threatened, if not destroyed. Each of us will perhaps be called to channel the energy of our anger into a focused passion for one. Is it the disrespect and denigration of women? The loss of reproductive rights? Is it time for an reawakening/ and new wave of feminism that we feel rising? (We learned that there is no Women’s activist group in Lebanon county. ) Is it religion for you — is this at the core of what you hold most precious? Is it welcoming the stranger in our midst… because the stranger inside of you feels unsafe in our culture of intolerance and free-flowing judgments of the ‘other’? Is it the earth, does your very home feel threatened?

I know. I know. It is all of the above.

But this is why we do the work of grounding and centering. Not to calm ourselves down to a point of apathy, a return to the bubble, not to become passionless zombies. But to find the source of our passion. Because we will need it. Because the world, our daughters, do not need us to be walking wounded. They need us to be powerful and strong.

I know how an embodied strength feels. When I hoist the canoe over my head and carry it for over a mile on my shoulders to the next lake, I feel powerful and strong. So this week, I’m going to get off of the computer, as best as I can (because after all my head wants to be able to figure it all out so that I can either fix it or control it so that I won’t feel this vulnerable again) and into my body. See what it might tell me that my head can’t quite figure out.

What are you going to do?

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. kidfriendlyyoga
    Nov 14, 2016 @ 08:39:54

    Thank you again for providing sanctuary at your home last evening and through your words above. You ask what I will do? I will try to see through the eyes of compassion one heart at a time and every time I feel the fear arise…I will breathe.

    Like

    Reply

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