redeem

I am a quiet soul. That doesn’t mean that things don’t move me, and deeply so, but it might mean that the way movement is expressed in me might look different than the way it is expressed through you.

My way of being has too often been derided. I have been goaded when I don’t choose to ‘step out’, as if out of myself, which must appear to be some sort of prison to you. But like that ‘sharp, or electrically charged pointed stick’ used to prod any creature out of its natural environment and into a cage, your goading is merely painful. The ways that you use shame to ‘encourage’, really only make me feel like retreating far from you.

But I am weary of receiving these wounds, of returning to lick them in the darkness. And so, I’ll move into the sun this time, let its warmth soothe, and in that light I see that what you deem as ‘less than’ is my beauty. What you deem as weakness is my strength. My silence. My stillness. My movements. My courage. My grace.

My virginity. Yes, virginity is the word that comes. A woman intact and unbroken.  An integrity that cannot be broken by your piercing words, nor entered by the seeds of your scorn. They say that a woman of my age comes around again to that in this great circle, returning to her Self with integrity. Comes back again to her own wildness- a wildness that looks to you like waste, but in truth is dignity. Freed from your defining cage, where my movements are proscribed within your display, I dance, I fly, I soar, I race, I sing, I roar.

You do not see me in that way. The wildness of my soul eludes you. The beauty of my ways confuses you. But the movements of my spirit are not dependent upon your approval. What you deem unworthy, I re-deem as Home, and I will brave that wilderness. Alone.

puma

Photo by Paul Cottis

 

 

 

 

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen
    Mar 06, 2018 @ 11:08:38

    WOW!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. emmaatlast
    Mar 06, 2018 @ 11:14:55

    So glad I sat to write today. Before I did so I felt only the pain of this experience. Hidden beneath that pain was this strength.

    Like

    Reply

  3. mah1221hotmailcom
    Mar 06, 2018 @ 15:02:32

    This is Margaret. Sometimes I get my wordpress account mixed up with my husband’s. Anyhow, I too, am glad you wrote. I am sorry for the pain, glad for the re-deeming of it. I see what you have done as a model for dealing with hurt. Nevertheless, it makes me angry that someone hurts you and shames you that badly with their prods. I feel like a mama tiger.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Randy
    Mar 13, 2018 @ 10:36:45

    This is so true for those of us who are quiet and introverted. As a male, I’m often judged to be arrogant and aloof because of my quietness.

    Like

    Reply

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