seeing sorrow

oh god, some days when i gaze into my mirror i see your beauty gazing back at me. other days i catch a glimpse of something else. something as profound in its depths as is your beauty, something of your sorrow, something of your weariness. yet in these moments i suspect i also witness something of your beauty. and it is this sadness that begs me attend to you today, to not run from it and so from you, to not deny this aspect of yourself as worthy.

oh god, can your sorrow be this deep? i want to rush into your arms, dump this heap of sadness on your lap, give it to Your heart to hold. but then i notice your face in my pain, and suddenly i realize that what i think is mine is yours.
oh god, come to me. that i may hold you for awhile. yes, my opened heart is big enough for You…. so this is how it feels to Love, to see what you see, to feel what you feel, and to hold it all. to hold out hope, to mourn the loss, to whisper ‘i am here’, to be unheard. oh god, let me hear you now.

oh god, there is so much pain! how tender is the sorrow of the disconnect. yet how full of beauty even is this emptiness. oh god, how you love!

oh god, i am here. come to me. let me hold your heartache. let me draw your head down to my breast, that you may hear the beating of my heart as it breaks open here for you. feel my gentle kiss upon your brow, my tears anointing it with blessing, mixing with your own, fluids flowing, joining once again in this holy union.

oh god there is no separation. we are truly one.

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